


A serious argument

by Bushwah



Category: Dracula & Related Fandoms, Here's To Never Growing Up - Avril Lavigne (Music Video), Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Conspiracy Theories, Crack, Embedded Images, Multimedia, Other, Song Lyrics, Twilight Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-09-30 17:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17228597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bushwah/pseuds/Bushwah
Summary: At one point, someone said: "I’m laughing my ass off at the vampire symbolism in “Here’s to Never Growing Up” by Avril Lavigne, how did I not notice this sooner"Someone else said: "wait what"The first person replied with this.





	A serious argument

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the rights to the "wait what" in the summary, and use it at the sufferance of the intellectual property owner.

_singing radiohead at the top of our lungs, with the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love_

okay so first off, who the fuck still has a boombox? **Vampires**

_got a bottle of whatever but it’s getting us drunk, singing here’s to never growing up_

this is clearly blood! why else would they be keeping it a secret? and who but a vampire would be getting drunk on blood?

_call up all our friends, go hard this weekend_

their “friends” are the other vampires, and they’re going to throw a blood party

_for no damn reason, I don’t think we’ll ever change_

vampires never change. she tried to keep it secret by saying there was no reason, but I see right through her

look at those fucking fangs. look at those eyes. look at that h a i r

and the background is that dark red color, you think that’s a coincidence? that’s how they decorate their vamp club so they don’t get caught when things get messy. I’ve seen it all, folks. vampires.

_meet you at the spot, half past ten o’clock_

why so secret? The Maskerade, clearly. as for the time: night. vampires. do the math.

_we don’t ever stop, and we’re never gonna change_

vampires are hardened killers who are forced to murder in order to eat

_say, won’t you stay forever—stay, if you stay forever—hey, we could stay forever young_

do you want to become a vampire? of course you do. get vamped now for the low, low price of $49.99 (souls tax may apply)

_singing radiohead at the top of our lungs, with the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love_

so yeah, boombox = vampires, shocking right? I bet you never would have guessed that one

_got a bottle of whatever but it’s getting us drunk, singing here’s to never growing up_

speaking of which, they’re serving their “bottle” of “whatever” in red cups. coincidence?

I think not. **vampires**

_we’ll be running down the street yelling kiss my ass_

vampires are outside the social order and can get away with this kind of thing

_I’m like yeah whatever we’re still living like that_

a blatant lie. they are not living. they are, say it with me, **vampires**

_when the sun’s going down we’ll be raising our cups_

when the sun’s going down… so they’ll be safe from it… as vampires…

_singing here’s to never growing up_

it’s graffiti. graffiti in blood. **graffreeti**. (forget I said that)

…wait, no, wikipedia says efreeti are mythical creatures “formed from the blood of a murder victim.” this isn’t as far off as I thought. ((forget you forgot I said that))

_oh whoa, oh whoa, here’s to never growing up, oh whoa, oh whoa, here’s to never growing up_

this dude is definitely a vampire because I just look at him and I’m like “okay yeah I’d let him drink my blood any day” and if that’s wrong I don’t want to be right

_we live like rockstars_

okay #notallvampires or w/e but you gotta admit it’s a stereotype that they’re powerful hedonistic fucks

_dance on every bar_

no mortal could just **decide** to dance on every bar in the entire world. takes too long. vampires.

_this is who we are, I don’t think we’ll ever change (oh no!)  
_

see it? no? look closer

it appears that **Dracula himself** graced this party. definitely vampires. no doubt about it.

_they say just grow up, but they don’t know us_

mere mortals assume they will eventually start showing signs of age because they don’t know vampires exist

_we don’t give a fuck, and we’re never gonna change_

I don’t see bubbles rising from their mouths. how are they underwater and not breathing if they’re not vampires? they don’t give a fuck about **air**

_say, won’t you stay forever—stay, if you stay forever—hey, we could stay forever young_

“get your butt over here and become a vampire already”

_singing radiohead at the top of our lungs, with the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love, got a bottle of whatever but it’s getting us drunk, singing here’s to never growing up_

vampires, with their vampire boombox and their vampire “bottle of whatever” (blood!!), never growing up. it’s practically a trope

_we’ll be running down the street yelling kiss my ass, I’m like yeah whatever we’re still living like that, _when the sun’s going down we’ll be raising our cups, singing here’s to never growing up, oh whoa, oh whoa, here’s to never growing up, oh whoa, oh whoa, here’s to never growing up__

look at these red streamers, symbolizing, you guessed it, **blood**

_say, won’t you stay forever—stay, if you stay forever—hey, we could stay forever young_

look at her

she’ll really miss you if you decide to not become a vampire

she would very much like for you to be a bloodsucking creature of the night sooner rather than later

please just do it. for her.

_oh, singing radiohead at the top of our lungs, with the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love, got a bottle of whatever but it’s getting us drunk, singing here’s to never growing up_

take a gander at that fucking thing. feast your eyes. a relic of a lost age, transported to the modern era by vampires. what a world. what a fucking world

_we’ll be running down the street yelling kiss my ass, I’m like yeah whatever we’re still living like that, when the sun’s going down, we’ll be raising our cups, singing here’s to never growing up_

she’s moving so fast she’s actually blurring. vampire.

_oh whoa, oh whoa, here’s to never growing up, oh whoa, oh whoa, now raise your glass and say, here’s to never growing up, oh whoa, oh whoa, anybody anybody, here’s to never growing up, and then we’re never growing up, oh whoa, oh whoa, here’s to never growing up_

while my knowledge of vampire culture is perforce limited, I believe the imagery used in this section…

…may be intended as a nod to a recently discovered subspecies colloquially known as “disco ball vampires” for their iridescent quality.

in conclusion, vampires.

bibliography

  * vampires
  * wikipedia



**Author's Note:**

> See also [this](https://twitter.com/hradzka/status/954767458769883136).


End file.
